Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Research

I am thinking about heart murmurs. I am thinking about my heart murmur. And my father’s. And my grandfather’s. I am thinking about Josephine baker. I am thinking about patterns in the birdseed. I am thinking about antique cap guns. I am thinking about what it means to be jilted. I am wondering if it’s worth going back. I am wondering if I’m pretty enough. I am thinking about Ohio and Texas. I am thinking about the things in my eyes. I am thinking about a man named Zelig. I am thinking about my mother’s wedding ring. I am thinking about fine French dining. I am thinking about the day Elena and I went swimming at Spinaker Point and we swam very far from shore and Molly had to rescue us and the seaweed felt like eels tangling around our legs. I am thinking I am wasting time. I am contemplating fleeing the country. I am wanting an easy answer. I am learning to trust my spine.

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